Speed is life. Altitude is life insurance.
It only takes two things to fly:
Airspeed, and money.
The three most dangerous things in aviation:
1. A Doctor or Dentist in a Cessna.
2. Two captains in a DC-9.
Aircraft Identification:
If it's ugly, it's British.
If it's weird, it's French.
If it's ugly and weird, it's Russian.
Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another very expensive flying club.
The similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies.
If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.
The difference between flight attendants and jet engines:
The engines usually quit whining when they get to the gate.
New FAA motto:
'We're not happy, till you're not happy.'
If Air Traffic Control screws up, it's called a "System Malfunction",
If a pilot screws up it's called a "violation".
If something hasn't broken on your helicopter--it's about to.
I give that landing a 9 ................. on the Richter scale.
Basic Flying Rules:
1. Try to stay in the middle of the air.
2. Do not go near the edges of it.
3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly in the edges.
Unknown landing signal officer (LSO) to carrier pilot after his 6th unsuccessful landing attempt:
"You've got to land here son. ..................... this is where the food is."
The three best things in life are:
A good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement.
A night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities to experience all three at the same time.
Things that are worthless to a pilot:
1. Runway behind you.
2. Altitude above you.
3. Airspeed you don't have.
4. Gas in the gas truck.
"The only time you can have too much gas is when you're on fire."
"Only touch the shiny switches--it means someone's touched them recently and it's probably okay."
And the Big Three:
1. Don't fly at night.
2. Don't fly in the weather.
3. Don't f#%& with the red-guarded switches.
On pre-flighting: remember you don't want to buy the damn thing, you only want to use it for a little while.
If it ain't leaking, it's empty.
Boeing multi-use switch philosophy:
Up is On
Down is Off
Twist to Dim
Press to Test
Jerk to Inflate
Three things you don't want to hear in the cockpit
CA: Watch this!
FO: I got a good idea.
FE: Oh shit!
Keep thine airspeed up,
lest the earth rise up and smite thee
I'll believe it when I'm sitting in it AND getting paid.
When it all starts falling apart............fly the biggest piece safely down.
" A good Captain and First Officer go hand in hand..... but not through the airport terminal."
Stolen from Len Morgan
Take offs are optional. Landings are mandatory.
See this line?
See all this here stuff on THIS side?
That's MINE!!
See all this here stuff over THERE on your side?
THAT'S MINE TOO!
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